Your Identity or Your Life!

Everything we do is driven by a quest for identity.  We are biologically hardwired to be seen as valuable to the people we feel matter most.  And we all began figuring how to do this the moment we were born.

STOP and think about this biologically embedded instinct for a moment.

  1. To be seen as valuable
  2. To the people we feel matter most

If you want to know why you aren’t much more successful in any domain of your life, the root cause lies in your answers to those two simple questions.

How you answer these questions became a SET OF INSTINCTIVE HABITS that were developed when you were young and mostly unaware.

Most of us think that we’ve moved beyond the habits we had in Junior High, but the truth is that most, and perhaps all of the habits we unconsciously developed are still very much a part of us.  Sure, you’re taller, you have a driver’s license, a degree, a house etc, but I promise you that unless you made some strong conscious new choices, and overcame a TON of resistance, you’re still governed by those habits.  

They’re not all bad

Just to be clear, those habits have gotten you to where you are today.  And by virtue of the fact that you’re reading this I’m betting that’s at least mostly better than other outcomes.

It only matters if you want more

Your habits only present a problem if you want more than they are capable of delivering.  

But what if you do want more?

The internet presents us with new listicles to improve our lives every day.  And tons of hardworking, smart, disciplined people like you and I have implemented many of them.  Do you see any you recognize below?

  • Drink more water
  • Get 8 hours of sleep
  • Meditate
  • Use “this” scheduling system
  • Eat better
  • Exercise
  • ….

So why don’t the habits of those successful people in the listicles produce the same dramatic growth when other people repeat them?

The Truth

Go back to those 2 questions above.  The REAL difference in those successful people is their answers to 1 and 2.  Think about it. 

  1. What's your internal definition of "valuable"?  Not what you want to think it should be, but what do your daily actions SAY it is?
  2. Who are you trying to please?  And don't tell me that you're only trying to please yourself; that's a story.

People with standout performance in a particular domain go around all day seeing that domain through a very different lens.  They have a different value strategy and a different audience in their head for that particular domain.  They see opportunities other don’t, they respond differently, they’re quite frankly playing a different game.

Pay attention - this is the tricky part

Many "more successful" people (not all) CONSCIOUSLY decided to answer 1 and 2 differently.  But it wasn’t just a note to themselves in their journal.  They had to get up every day from that moment on and resist their old answers.

This is easier said than done - but you CAN do it

Acting out of our habitual identity is really uncomfortable.  Your family might laugh, your friends may talk about you, and others might doubt you….and then so will you.  And before you know it, you can be pulled back in your old habits; living in that familiar range of performance.

Self branding B.S.

Social media and other tools delude us into thinking that we can tell the world how we want to be seen, but we can’t - not really.  Because the world is smart.  They don’t listen to what we say, they watch what we do.

If we want to change our results, we have to change our actions.  We have to align all of our actions consistently with that new identity 24/7/365. 

Tribal Physics

There are observable, repeatable laws that govern the domain of human performance that we weren’t taught in school. You wouldn't attempt to build and fly a plane without a very strong understanding of Newtonian Physics, so why would you try to build and live your life without a strong understanding of Tribal Physics?

If you’re curious about the forces that underlie everything you experience personally, at work, and in the news, then go to and get your free copy of The NEXT American Dream Challenge.

You know there's more going on here...

We're steadily getting less healthy, less happy, and less wealthy as a society...haven't you wondered what's really going on?